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Revenge of a granny’s “I Bare” jacket

Revenge of a granny’s “I Bare” jacket

New York Times is reporting that the “I Care” jacket is making this revenge on the jacket of the “I Don’t Care.” This is the very important news for Americans, yes? So I ask Bernice Brownstone, a 103 year old grandmother in Brooklyn who loves swimming nude why she wears her “I Bare” jacket. She is also featured in the novella Confessions of Quiet Winners.

Jacky: Why do you like being bare?

Bernice: Cause I don’t get no ash on my blouses.

Jacky: You means this pesky cigarette ashes?

Bernice: What other ash you think? I use moisturizer for my skin.

Jacky: Do you get bare at the beach?

Bernice: Yeah.

Jacky: Do you get bare in the ocean?

Bernice: Yeah.

Jacky: What about on Brighton Beach boardwalk?

Bernice: For the right guy, maybe underneath it.

Jacky: So tell me about your “I Bare” jacket.

Bernice: What’s there to tell?

Jacky: Are you bare when you wear it?

Bernice: Yeah.

Jacky: Does it make you feel like a diva?

Bernice: I already am a diva, stupid.

She smokes her 13th cigarette since we sitting down in Brooklyn.

Jacky: So who made the jacket for you?

Bernice: My boyfriend.

Jacky: What’s his name?

Bernice: Come on, your filthy Frenchman, you expect me to bare it all?

Jacky: Of Corsica not. Is your “I Bare” jacket Hermes?

Bernice: No, Valentino.

Jacky: And the graffiti “I Bare” written on the back?

Bernice: It’s white out. I sniff it sometimes before I read the newspapers.

Jacky: Do you sniff before or after cigarette?

Bernice: Eh, at my age, takes a lot for me to get excited. Sometimes at the same time.

About the author

Mr. Jacky Bonaparte

Capo/Budget Janitor/Chain Smoker/Black Ops King