This past week, The Wall Street Journal reported that Keith Richards would soon be an “unperson.” In light of D.A.R.E.’s acquisition of a controlling share in Spotify and Apple, Mr. Richards’ music will be erased due to his extensive drug abuse and “unacceptably weird sexually crazy conduct, particularly with vulnerable young women” when he was younger. I interviewed Mr. Richards about him being an unperson.
Shane: How does it feel to be an unperson?
Keith: F$#&*@g refreshing.
Shane: Better than being a person?
Shane: Cause you are now invisible?
Keith: Yeah, finally some privacy.
Shane: So being an unperson is better than being a person?
Keith: What do you think, mate?
Shane: I don’t know, I’ve never been an unperson before.
Keith: Yeah, well, as an unperson, artificial intelligence ain’t got nothing on me, mate. Ain’t going to track me going nowhere.
Shane: So being an unperson kind of rocks?
Keith: Not kind of, mate. It’s better than smack.
Shane: Cause you can now really say and act how you want without, like, that stuff in your veins?
Keith: Yeah, like, before, my manager would bust me balls about saying this or that, or getting too pissed, cause I’d not look perfect enough on Instant Grim.
Keith: Yeah, right, that bullocks.
I went to check my notes. When I looked up, Keith had disappeared. I guess this unperson stuff has its advantages.