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This past week, Attorney General Jeff Sessions testified in front of Congress about President Trump’s alleged collusion with the Russians to win the election. Shortly after the testimony, we received a “Sessions Sex Tape” from an anonymous source, who we found out was in fact one Father Blue Hardin, a Catholic priest at Mission Dolores church in San Francisco. Below are excerpts of my interview with Father Hardin about the tape:
Ryan: Word has it that you were the source of this Sessions sex tape.
Blue: Dang right, son.
We sat in the courtyard of his church, smoking spiked cigars.
Ryan: How did you get your hands on the tape?
Blue: Well, tape fit right in my hands, not too hard now, cause my hands is dang big.
Ryan: I mean who gave you the tape, Father Hardin?
Blue: Sessions done loan it to me, see.
Ryan: Where did the hand off happen?
Blue: Big Sur, reckon after he done taking a set in.
I inhaled the smoke, and thought I saw Jimmy Hoffa sitting with us.
Ryan: Sessions surfs?
Blue: Damn skinny, makes Kelly Slater look like Bambi on Ice Cube.
I wondered to myself if Father Hardin was referring to the same Attorney General Sessions that I was referring to.
Ryan: Wait a minute, what did those sex tapes show?
I didn’t have time to review it before our interview.
Blue: Oh, dig this, prettiest recordings of mating I done seen, walruses, sharks, you name the ocean sex, it done in there. Even some grizzly bears getting inspired, doing some dirty stuff, too, see.
Scratching my head, I asked:
Ryan: We talking about the same Attorney General Sessions?
Blue: Dang, son, told your editor I got me some sex tapes from Sessions.
Ryan: Right, but Attorney General Sessions?
Blue: How the hell I know, cause “Sessions” what we call this local surfer up in the black backcountry of Big Sur.
Ryan: Don’t know if his first name is Jeff?
Blue: Son, in them black back country woods, they don’t be using no first names, or they don’t even use real names, see.
Ryan: But it could have been the Attorney General?
He shrugged and looked at his cigar.
Blue: This Sessions certainly not no Elvis, tell you that much, cause he just 16.
Felt that Father Blue put me on a wild goose chase. Find out how does the same thing to some feds during the 1800s in the satirical crime thriller Outsourced to Lucifer, where he is accused of being the chief of a vigilante pedophile killer crew, which you can read more about HERE, or to the San Francisco prosecutor in 1876 in The Naïve Daring of Outsiders, which you can read read more about HERE, where he is accused of killing 19 Catholic priests, which you can read about HERE. Both books are for sale on Amazon, iTunes, and Barnes and Noble. Have a peachy weekend!