Satirical Crime Thrillers

Unlikely heroes who keep you second guessing their motives, and their hygiene habits, until the final second.

Quality FilthSatirical Crime Thrillers

Coming Out This Summer!

Confessions of Quiet Winners 

World War III is minutes away. Two boyhood friends from Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, supposedly have a plan to prevent it. One is now an American spy, and the other is Russian.

A few minutes before the first missile is shot, the President of the United States makes a shocking discovery. Does it show the Brighton boys are dangerous losers who made the global holocaust inevitable, or quiet winners that miraculously prevented it?

Find out this summer when Confessions of Quiet Winners is released in e-book and paperback!

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The Naïve Daring of Outsiders
The Naïve Daring of Outsiders by Ryan E Long
The Naïve Daring of Outsiders (2016)

There has been a downward spiral in Americans’ faith in institutions – including religion. Shocking? After all, those Catholic priests were quickly brought to justice only days after their abuse was discovered by the Boston Archdiocese, as shown in the movie Spotlight.

How long would have it taken in California’s Wild West?

Find out in The Naïve Daring of Outsiders! In it, two Catholic priests and a nun are tried for murdering 19 other priests in 1876 San Francisco. Who did it? It’s not who you think.

In the meantime, the glamorous and not so very glamorous lives of the defendants are told in the prequel novellas Outsourced to Lucifer, Angel of Salem, and Pirate in the Closet, which are featured below.



Pirate in the Closet (2016)

Today, we are encouraged to think of our suffering as special. As a result, the stunning but fragile American quilt is being ripped apart by balkanized thinking.

And yet most who were forced to immigrate to the U.S. in the past suffered greatly regardless of the color of their skin. The potato famine in the 1800s forced young Shane Egan’s family to flee County Cork, Ireland, and to live in South Boston’s filthy slums. As he aged, he claims he was spit on, had his grades tampered with, and even physically terrorized because he was black Irish, gay, and had outlier views of the Catholic Church.

Throughout, his persecutors are mysteriously burglarized, bruised, or killed. After being charged with the crimes, he flees to become a Catholic priest San Francisco’s Mission Dolores, whereupon his multivolume Boston police file is discovered by the presiding priest, Father Luther Wolf.

Is Father Shane a sinister pirate who terrorized innocents, or a love vigilante who fought against tyranny?



Pirate in the Closet
Pirate in the Closet by Ryan E Long
Angel of Salem
Angel of Salem by Ryan E Long
Angel of Salem (2016)

Free thought in America is in danger. As with the Red Scare in the 1950s, the current Blue Scare intimidates people who hold unpopular views into submission via economic boycotts or threats of physical violence — not rational Enlightenment debate where facts (and not politically correct “fake news”) hold sway.

During the 1800s, Quality Filth contributing writer Amber Francis flees Salem, Massachusetts, after her father is accused of committing a crime he did not do. Under the protective gaze of mysterious forces from the likes of bandits in Montana, her family moves to Northern California. Nonetheless, she is blacklisted by her high school principal for factually correcting a teacher during class, and is also sought for being solely responsible for the hanging of 19 men while supposedly executing her duties as California’s Underground Railroad CEO.

On the run, she adopts an assumed name, “Sister Emerald Beem,” and hides out in San Francisco’s Mission Dolores church as a nun.

Is she an angel of Salem, or an angel of death?



Outsourced to Lucifer (2015)

Many Americans feel our priorities are warped. We have a failed war on drugs, but no war on pedophilia; many speak of free markets, but they often want to be “too fat to fall”; or we go to “war” without fighting to win because we don’t often don’t know what winning means, or why we are really fighting.

During the 1800s, Blue Hardin, a Southern Illinois Quaker born son of American Revolutionaries, grapples with these issues — kind of like in a Mixed Martial Arts type of way. After inflicting his own sinister justice, including forming a vigilante group titled “Search & Destroy” as a teen, he assumes the name “Father Luther Wolf” and hides out as a priest in San Francisco’s Mission Dolores church.

Is he a terrorist you should be scared of, or an American patriot you should welcome?



Outsourced to Lucifer
Outsourced to Lucifer by Ryan E Long
Dirty Quiet Money
Dirty Quiet Money by Ryan E Long
Dirty Quiet Money (2014)

Right now American trust in government is at an all time low. According to some sources, seventy-one percent (71%) of Americans feel the economy is rigged.

Dirty Quiet Money is a noir parody of corruption in France’s Vichy government during World War II. In a 1940s France occupied by the Nazis, crooked Vichy bureaucratic collaborators try and subdue a Resistance movement made up of Americans like New Orleans born blue-blood Sophia Gordon and generations of highly organized Marseille based international criminals like Jacky Bonaparte. 

But by taking Jacky’s hand and fighting with him in the Resistance, will his underworld make Sophia question everything and ruin her in the end?



Living on the Happy Edge of Anarchy (2013)

Mood disorders are most prevalent in the U.S. Western emphasis on medicating over spiritualizing doesn’t appear to be working anymore.

But if you look at the news, you’d think “sex, money, and murder” is the solution! Why not make a t-shirt? This black comedy tells the story about a teenager who is on the cusp of committing mass murder after a street fight in Venice, California. Later on in his life, he voyages around the world and encounters savory and unsavory strangers, including: Mafiosi in Sicily, a Holocaust survivor in New York, a tranny in Amsterdam, a World War II photographer in Chicago, and a cancer survivor in New Orleans, among others.

Only then does he understand his decision from years ago that affected the rest of his life. Is it better to live a life where you think you know what’s going to happen from one moment to the next, or trust in your ability to live on the happy edge of anarchy?



Living on the Happy Edge of Anarchy
Living on the Happy Edge of Anarchy by Ryan E Long

What Readers Say

As much as this book is entertaining and quite the fun read, it also had take away for me about life lessons, where you learn them and also who you listen to.


I couldn’t put it down until it was all gone. Funny and fantastically written. Can’t wait to read his future works…


I didn’t want the book to end and there is a wonderful element of surprise! A must read…

Betsy Karp

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